Planes, Autos and the Liquids in 'Em

Ever been to Dallas-Fort Worth airport? I guess that's like asking if you've traveled by air in the domestic U.S. Why is it shaped that way so that you could actually get halfway to Austin before reaching a gate? This, among other topics, I pondered as my flight ran perilously close last night. We stayed on the Colorado Springs tarmac for almost an hour as the crew saw to the lavatory, which they couldn't empty. We were told this was dangerous, as it could leak in the air.*


This made catching the last flight to the East Coast last night rather fraught with peril. Oddly, we actually walked onto the plane in DFW, one of my fellow conferees having recruited his seatmate to tend me on the trip back to Washington. This did not help with Problem #1, which began this particular odyssey: my car ran out of gas in National Airport's parking lot**. I tried to pre-stage from Dallas, but my road service said this was not possible. So upon landing at DCA, I spent 25 minutes on the phone with the road service, after which I called the tow truck company number and reached a woman who said that she needed to "get ready" but that it might not take her the full anticipated 60 minutes to get 13 miles in Alexandria since traffic "would probably be light." Ya think? At 12:30 a.m.? Shivering in the cold, reading old Tweets on my Blackberry, I finally got another call from the tow truck person saying she was at the United sign, whereupon I re-stated that I was still at USAir. We went in this circular fashion for several rounds before I convinced her to move her vehicle forward to me.

I got the Clampetts. They quarreled with each other and with me regarding the right procedure for bringing a gas can to my car, since Mrs. Clampett insisted that she goes in the parking garage all the time. Finally, Jed and me (grammar intended) wended our way up to my car. Oddly, he insisted that I escort him all the way back to his car, since he didn't have ID with him. Hmmm? And what kind of "getting ready" for almost an hour puts out a pair in sweatpants and flannel shirt sans ID. My mind doesn't want to ponder this.

* We also learned about "blue ice" during this period.
** Liquid #2 (no, not the same #2 as above): gas. Cars run better when you put this in the tank, even if you suspect the gas station of cheating. I've got to stop running for flights. This makes 4 of 6 in the past two weeks.